Couldnt sleep, wrote my gram a letter that I plan on reading her tomorrow. She’s been having a tough time giving up her independence. I don’t blame her. Sometimes I lose track of what’s outside of me. Then I think about the life my gram has lived and she is such a strong woman and I want her and everyone else to know that. I love and respect her.
Are the reason why I’m not going to end up not putting myself out there anymore.
You never know what you want.
When you do want someone, it’s usually a photocopy of your last bf or someone rude/undeserving of your compassion and you want to change that/them, it’s an internal goal.
Someone in the past hurt you and you carry that chip on your shoulder, so now every guy you encounter owes you something. Bending over backwards.
You hate liars but tend to stretch the truth to benefit your perceptions.
You. Are. Catty. As. Fuck. And it is not impressive or attractive.
Pah, wow. I deserve much better.
Anti-women rant finished. Hah
I don’t have many followers so this is more like a diary to me than anything and I’ve got a secret…
You know how I describe my love life when people ask? There’s no such thing for me, I just fuck bitches; and any girl who I could care about outside of that, always disappoints me..
But Fuck the sex, fuck the single life. I want to love somebody like I never have before, I want to be genuinely loved in returned.
Maybe I need a real connection now more than I ever have.
I also love how I get the third degree about never helping out around the house but on my days off that’s all I’m ask to do is run shit around. How about ya fuck off today so I can enjoy myself? K thanks :-]
There’s something difficult about falling in love at 25 or atleast I haven’t found someone who makes me feel like I desire to feel. A thought occurs to me that maybe I set that bar too high when it comes to commitment and thats why so many girls end up in this “lets just hang out and see what happens” zone, I don’t think many of them enjoy that. Then again the ones I do set my pair of eyes on, always end up just out of my grasp, they make themselves unattainable. I know that saying “you always want what you can’t have.”, but I don’t think they understand that the choice to pursue begins before much conversation is even had, so how did you even know they were what you can’t have? Not at least til they find their own way of making that clear, lol. Idk, point is, I wanted to enjoy summer and be this single guy who has all these adventures. As much as that is still the goal, I think my heart speaks for itself when it aches like this, it’s better to be a lone than have the wrong partner, but to find that special person…that sounds pretty nice.
Tired of the chase, I’ll let somebody find me for a change.
This whole getting older thing blows, sometimes I don’t feel a day past 18-20 years old(a bit more mature) but then it’s like oh yeah, you’re 25. Life didn’t stop for you like every teenager subconsciously expects it to. I look back at some of the crazy shit I did and am already like, holy fuck I’d break my neck doing that now, Im not invincible. Maybe I’m silly to not give up the ghost fully, that desire to be irresponsible and reckless, to just want to pass through life skipping like a fruit cake to some lalala song I wrote in my head. Lol. That child in me is alive and to be honest I think it’s a big part of my sanity, a big part of my resistance towards the dull, tedious nature of adulthood. I feel like if I believed in souls, that would be my soul. Either way, presently that part of me is still pretty safe and sound, but sometime what I think I am and what I look in the mirror and see are two different things. It reminds of me of that saying “burn out or fade away”. And presently, I’m not ready to fade, fucker! :-p
I can do this. Motivate myself, stay the course. Way too many negative things in life sometimes, got to stay on the positive end of things, there no sense in wasting so much time on things that will bring you no peace or progress.
Sometimes you do things out of spite, sometimes vengeance…or jealously, or sometimes it’s all the same; and you had a bit of the devil in you.
I want something intangible and irreplaceable, I can treat it well if you’ll have me.